Beginning to the End

February before my freshman year at Liberty University, my dad and I made the trip up to Lynchburg to see Kari Jobe and Beth Moore in convocation. During the worship that morning, Kari Jobe sang Great I Am. And with arms held high and tears in my eyes, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that this was where God wanted me to spend the next four years of my life.

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Seven months later, I stood in that same building for my first convocation as a student at Liberty. But not at all as confident that this was where I was supposed to be. I was quite overtaken with fear - fear of the unknown, fear of the headaches I've had for years, fear of being away from my family, fear of trying new things, fear of failure and rejection and simply not being good enough.

The band played the song No Longer Slaves and I sang once again with my arms held high, because I knew I needed my Jesus. I decided that those words would be my anthem:

I'm no longer a slave to fear,

I am a child of God.

Some days those words felt victorious, "Yes, God! You have freed me from fear!" But on other days, they felt like a battle cry as I fought the fear and worry that still controlled my thoughts and emotions.

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Yesterday night I sat in worship as Kari Jobe led us (for the first time since that February) to the feet of Jesus. This time we didn't sing Great I Am.

We sang No Longer Slaves.

And I couldn't help but smile at the beauty of it all.

Because since that day three years ago when I was a terrified freshman at Liberty University, I have faced all of those fears that had consumed me in the beginning.

Interviews and phone calls when I really didn't know what was coming next, didn't know how I'd even be able to afford school for another year...but had to believe that God would be with me in it. I had weeks where I'd wake up every day with a piercing headache, my mind still captivated by worries I couldn't even identify. I've cried nearly every time I've had to leave my family. Being away has gotten more familiar, but never easier. I tried new things and did the hard things - most of which turned out really great, some of which I wasn't so good at (*ahem* zumba).

I failed. My word, did I fail. Fell flat on my face and got D's on papers and failed physical science tests. I was rejected. Rejected from the things I felt so certain that God had planned for me.

But over and over again -

I'm no longer a slave to fear,

I am a child of God.

I'm no longer a slave to fear,

I am a child of God.

Slowly but surely, God began to create a trust in me. A trust that believed that He really would keep His promises. A trust that He would be good and faithful and constant even when life was overwhelming. A trust that He would be my refuge and my joy and my strength. A trust that He was greater than my fears. A trust that His plan for me really was the best - and so much better than I could have ever written myself.

It's been three years since I sang those words in that season of overwhelming fear. And every year - every day in between - God has freed me from a little bit more of that fear. While there are days when my anxiety is more apparent than others, I can say with full assurance:

He really has split the sea so I could walk through it. He has drowned my fear in perfect love. He has rescued me so that I can stand and sing...I am a child of God.

Last night, as God allowed me to see the bigger picture of so much that He has brought me through these last three years, I can now look back and say to you without a shadow of a doubt:

He won't leave you hanging. He will be with you in this place He has called you. He will finish the good work that He began in you (Phil. 1:6).

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And to my fellow seniors at LU,

This may seem like the beginning of the end. But it's really only the beginning of this crazy, amazing story God has written for us.

Let's trust in Him and lean in to Him, thanking Him for every single moment we have left here in this place. You are His child. He is the Great I Am. And He really has freed you from all fear.